THE NEIGHBOUR'S DAUGHTER

NO EASY WAY.

I've been away on other duties. if not some shoots or applying for copy writing jobs. Jay has not been around too but the business has been running as usual. When I left off, I was wondering if Shayla was gay. But from the feedback I got from you dispelled these thoughts. I can recall my last conversation that I had with her when she finally accepted to join me to watch the movie, Sicario, day of the Soldado.
"Tony? What was that thing you wanted to ask?"
I hated her talking in English. I just wanted her to be free with me. 
"Mbona unapenda company ya madem?"
She smiled wistfully and tapped her feet on the floor. We were only just a few feet away and the movie had just ended. I saw that she had no hurry to leave yet the time was just close to 11 pm and she had to be up early in the morning for school.
Remember, she's a form four candidate.

"Sio ati I'm a lesbian. I prefer ladies more than guys."
But why? I pressed on. She gave vague references to sisterhood and then resorted to the feminist tactic of blaming men for being assholes and scumbags hence the need for women to stick together.
"Okay." Deep down, I was planning to abandon the whole venture and cal it a miss. I began to rue my decision to break up with Doris since I saw this Shayla being nothing more than a rabid feminist with a hatred of men.
I yawned and stifled a couple of such just to send a message to her to end the conversation. If she had been planning to spoil my night then she had succeeded.
"Tony, you want to sleep?"            
"Yeah. Si tuonane another day?"
She left. 

                                                                     **********
Ten days later, I stuck to my own guns and avoided her completely. I changed my bathroom schedules way after she had long gone to school and even when we met, I only waved at her and disappeared pronto! 
I was committed to leave her but just yesterday when I was settling down in my crib to catch up with the news, someone knocked on the door. When I opened, guess who was standing there smiling.
"Doris?"
"Babe!"

                                                                     **********

NEIGHBOR'S DAUGHTER: IS SHE GAY?

The past few days I've been keenly studying Shayla's movements whenever I had the chance to or when she was around town with her bevy of beautiful girlfriends. For the record, she hasn't given me her number nor has she responded to my proposal to watch a movie with me inside my crib.
I'm still hopeful though that one day she will give up her cookie jar for me and not to some crazy ass boys like Osama.

But first, I have to decipher if she is indeed straight or a gay or just a bi-sexual kind of a girl. With all the bullshit from the USA over LGBT that has even infected India, I can't afford to be wasting my time rolling with a girl who ain't even feeling dicks, if you get me.
So the past three days, I've been watching her every move when she was outside the privacy of her small crib, which by the way isn't that far from her parents house in the village.

First of all, she is always in the company of girls.Beautiful girls save for one ugly duckling whom I guess is the mother hen type of a bitch. The type that acts as the guardian angel that saves the naive girls from predatory men at social joints or even at school. What many know is that these type of girl is just sexually frustrated and that no one gives a damn shit about them.
A tip from some blogger out there: make her stone drunk then the chicks are all yours fellow randy men out there.
I've been watching her walk with them in close formation. They keep on sharing laughter and I caught one stealing glances at me while I was at Jay's stall, doing my job of selling entertainment to bored Kenyans. So suffice to say, I fell like Shayla has already told them about my interest in her and they must have been sizing me up.

Secondly, she loves listening to Beyonce and other feminist -laced lyrics from artistes like J-Lopez. Kwanza this song about Who run the world-Girls, who run the world-girls. Everyday at six when she wakes up, this is her first song that she has been playing.before she gets ready for school. She loves being a feminist alright. I once peeked inside her crib and I saw portraits of Beyonce, Julie Gichuru and Hillary Clinton. Too bad she lost to Trump.

Third, Simon told me that he had never seen her with a boy.
"Rasta, nashuku kama huyu dem ako straight."
"Sijui. Lakini tutaona."
Mark you, I didn't bribe him a cigarette for this information at all. In light of these observations, will I give up the chase?

Hell No.

10 THINGS I REALLY MISS ABOUT COLLEGE

On a day like this, I was preparing to join college. This was four years ago on a Wednesday. It was just the other week where I had a successful send-off party at my home and all the nitty gritty details about shopping were done and dusted.
In case you guys didn't know, I am a proud alumni of the great Kenya Institute of Mass Communication. This is the place that moulded my mind into where I am today.
So the first hurdle was to get my village self to Nairobi in preparation for the next day where the admissions were taking place starting from as early as 8.
Suffice to say, I made  it on time thanks to an old friend who acted as my chaperone till I reached the city where my sister took over and the rest as they say, is history.
Fast forward to 2018, now out of college and into the grind of the world of hustling, there are things I really miss about college. Here are some of the top ten things I miss about college.

1. The Mess Food.

This tops the list for the most mundane reasons. Being served tea with four slices of brown or white bread plus a boiled egg was like heaven to me. Plus, the sweet thing about tea was that even without a meal card, you could still take tea as many times as you want while using the cups that normally in high school were forbidden. Though I didn't like githeri Wednesday of when they used to served chicken because that was when the lines were terrible. Outside here, food is not that cheap, now that Uhuru's  government is adding VAT to fuel.

2. The Hostels

This one is double edged. On one hand, getting a room was as frustrating as asking a fresher out for a date. On the other hand, getting a room after paying the full fees,where you occupied it alone especially at the top floor, E for Konza was worth the struggle. However, the thing is, to get early so that you can choose the best mattress. Never mind the smell of pesticide used to kill the bugs, after some days, the smell goes away. If you are lucky to ingiza box a KIMC lady, she would spend the night in that 6 by 3 bed with you. Right now, paying rent aint that easy.

3. Free TV

Nothing ever beats a carnival atmosphere than watching an EPL game with fellow comrades, either in the mess hall or at Konza TV room. All you need to do is grab a seat and secure the best place where you could  watch the game, all free of charge. I really miss those days where guys taunt each other using football laced jibes and everyone laughing at the foolish antics of the boys and the blessed few girls who braved the madness, sweat and hollering to watch the game with us. Right now, I have to cough up 30 bob just to watch even a simple mashemeji derby. 30 friggin bob!

4. The Girls

I don't know about other places, but I still think KIMC has one of the most beautiful chics around. If you doubt me, visit RTI, Kenya Water in South C, KIHBIT and compare the results. I really miss checking them out kwanza in the morning where they were not yet dolled up. Looking at them made me feel warm inside. It was unlike the village where I came from where girls looked exactly like the boys and were the shy lot. Here, the chics were the real deal. Kwanza culture week, their dressing was wow!! 

5. Culture Week and Elections

I really miss this day because that's where madness set into campus. Guys and chics you've never seen drunk or in a ultra short mini skirt, kissing strangers or just pure wild, you would have seen them. The hollering that goes on when they declare the winner of the beauty pageant dubbed Mr and Miss Mass is unforgettable. What about the drama filled elections? All these has been relegated to my memory because they don't happen here in Kericho. Sad.

6. Mabatini

Bless this place. It was where we went to drown out our sorrows and joys. If Mr Odenyo shouted at you, Mrs. Mwania deleted your editing project or your girl left you, here was the place to go. Keg was cheap just like other spirits. To make it a good deal, it was just close to school. Candidates brought their allies and supporters here to lainisha their throats before going back to holler back in campus. Nowadays, you can't even get the time to have a nice tipple.

7. Inn and Out

Ladies will agree with me hapa. If Mukonyoro was serving shitty githeri on Wednesday, you could grab your purse or you boyfriend and head to South B where you could have a taste of their chips, bhajia among other treats. Guys used to buy their girls food here since it was cheap and convenient for many guys. Siku hizi, bora uhai.

8. The Games

KETISA was a cash cow to some, an opportunity for others and a pain for others. Those corrupt games captains   and secretaries would collude to bring mamluki and push out the legitimate people from the squads. Also, they would tag along their friends and hanger's on. How they did it was just too daring. Only the excellent athletes secured their place. I don't know how the current crop performs at KETISA nowadays.

9. The Library

God bless you Mr Onkoba. Thanks to you and your colleagues, I got my first library card and could borrow book s and novels to read. Library was my best place to escape the madness of 1-8. I could also get to read past newspapers as well the weekly and daily ones, free of charge. Siku hizi gazeti ni ya kufunga nyama.  

10. ECN radio.

I was privileged to join this iconic radio station where I worked as a blogger. I worked with the likes of Ben Kirui and Mwangi aka Mwas who were both my supervising editors. Our team had the best producers like Manya who was the head, Chumba, Litata, Pesh, Mwas, Ben, Perminus(They are now in the industry) and many more talented  students currently in third year( Back then they were freshers). This is where we stored our plates without the knowledge of the lectures and even got to watch the news.

NEIGHBOUR'S DAUGHTER: I WON'T GIVE UP

Shayla gave me a miss. She never came back to the plot, her house or anywhere close to Mustard Houses.
I only new this today when the caretaker informed me during his washing runs. He had confirmed this when he knocked on her door several times but there was no answer. Clearly she had set me up for a wild goose chase.
Instead of it making me angry, I felt even more motivated to go after this girl. She was offering me a challenge that I usually never back down from.

"Kwani unamtaka?"
"Yes."

Then I saw an opportunity to extract valuable information from the guy. So I dashed inside my one room house and took a packet of cigarettes. I never smoke them since they weren't mine. They belonged to Miriam, my ex's best friend who often popped in for some nice meal and some hot sex.
The caretaker never missed this chance to have a free cancer stick. I lit his and mine and watched him smoke it to the stub while mine burnt itself out.

"Rasta, huyo dem ni balaa. Shida tupu."
"Mbona?"

He took another stick and hid it inside his pocket. I gave him another one and took a short puff on my stick.

"Wazazi wake. Buda ni polisi na mathe ni matron huko Londiani Girls.. Tena huyo dem sio mtu wa ku trust."
"Simo, enda straight kwa point yako."
"Yaani, ako na list kubwa hivi."

He gestured to emphasise his point. So clearly, she didn't come back yesterday because after school or wherever she went to, she had a date with one of his admirers.

"Si tuta compete tu."
"Kama ni ku compete na watu kama Osama, then tayarisha mazishi."

With that, he left to carry on his duties in the plot. I stashed away the cigarette and trooped back inside my one room house.
Clearly there were many people after her heart or body like me. But when It is 'Osama' my boss's violent big brother who had served time in prison, then a reasonable option would be to back off.
Trouble is, I rarely give up. Not without a good fight.
So come this week, I will still be on her case till she either tells me to back off or Osama does it himself.

NEIGHBOUR'S DAUGHTER: PLAYING A FOX TO CATCH A NAUGHTY RAM

It has been quite sometime after breaking up with Doris, but as a man, I cannot afford to have a box of chocolate and eat it all up while crying in front of my friends. Far from it. That's what Hollywood series is for.
In my world, its' just a matter of minutes before you get a replacement and move on with your life.
This is what I have been doing despite the awful pangs of dry spell attacking me every morning. Each time I wake up, there's this girl in the hood who is largely responsible for my plight.
Since we all have to use communal bathrooms that are outside, I get to see her every morning as she prepares to go to school.

Today was no exception at all!

"Sasa?"
"Poa."

My eyes followed her nice tushy as it swung from one side to another in her leso. Once she disappeared into the bathrooms, I felt like grabbing the nearest soap and stroking myself out. But I couldn't.
Her name is Shayla. According to sources close to me, She's just 20 and could've joined campo were it not for Matiangi messing her results up in 2016. Repeating Form Four is harder nowadays as she found out. She had to go back to book three.
Away from that, the sweet smell of geisha filled the air. It even made me feel bad about using the sunlight washing bar. I felt tempted to go and peek. Part of me said yes and another one said no. I took the latter.
She wasted no more than 5 minutes. I was clear to go once she stepped out of the small cramped bathroom. 

"Shay? ebu kiasi."

She stopped and turned to face me.

"Si uko sawa mami? form ni gani leo?"
"Form 36 ama?"

I laughed. Deep down, she was trying to be rude but I let it slide.

"Hapana, shule ama?"
"Yeah."
"Si baadaye tuone form ya town? ama upitie tucheki the latest series kwa keja?"

She smiled but it was difficult to read what it meant.

"Sidhani ka ntakuwa available."
"Basi unipee number then."

She hesitated. I grabbed my locks and fastened them faster. She sized me from toe to head.

"Jioni basi."

She walked away quickly. This time, slowly and deliberately. She probably knew that I was checking her out, which I did. When she entered her house, I took my chance and entered the bathroom where I spent the next three minutes.

NEXT UP: will she give me her number or is it a dead-end for me?

LESSONS FROM THE SHARON OTIENO MURDER

It must be a very difficult moment for the parents of the late Sharon Otieno. Imagine flipping on the TV only to find the pictures of your daughter splashed all over, and the byline goes that she was found dead in some forest. Imagine the chatter that will go on, on the internet and by the neighbours and some shady blogs that will gloat on how your daughter was eating life with a big spoon and grooving with a famous sponsor. The pain of not only losing a child, but a grand child too.
Terrible, right?
Most importantly, Sharon joins the list of women who have died in very henious and mysterious circumstances. Mercy Keino is the high profile one who got killed when she was attending a party held at Kabogo's premises. To be fair, the former Kiambu Governor has been cleared from any wrong doing by several judicial processes. So we can quit blaming him.

Will Sharon ever get justice? Time will tell. As of writing this post, his PA has been arrested together with some of the accomplices and investigations are still ongoing.  There are several rules that I must put out for those lasses who still believe that sleeping with rich old men who wield immense influence is still worth the risk.
They are borrowed from the 48 Laws of Power, a masterpiece written by Robert Greene.

CONCEAL YOUR INTENTIONS(3)

Sharon must have realised that her time was up in that union and must have wanted out. Maybe she realised that the guy wasn't going to keep his promises and she had vowed to leave. Greene advises one that they must not see you coming. Sharon must have blurted out her real intentions to the wrong people and made it look obvious to them. Involving a journalist was a clear transgression of this rule.

LESSON? If you want to leave, never make it look obvious, especially if you have dirt on the man.

KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH-DO NOT OFFEND THE WRONG PERSON(19)

Background checks ladies are very very important. Before you say yes to that fossil of a man, first know who he is and what he does. He could be a psycopath, a goon, a cartel or even a cultist!  With this information, you will be able to make an informed choice. Sharon must have been blinded by the gifts, the cash and the treats that she had let her guard down. When they had a fallout, Sharon decided to involve a journalist and the guy panicked. You all know the end result.

LESSON? Never trust appearances.

DESPISE THE FREE LUNCH(40)

What that is offered for free has hidden obligations. Sharon must have known or not known this when she decided to entertain the free gifts and lunches and treats at big places. So when she wanted out, plus her seven month old baby in her womb, there was no way that she could be allowed to go just like that, with all the damning secrets and dirt about the man. So she had to be killed.

LESSON? Work for your own stuff, hate the free things that this men give you in exchange for sex. You will have your life and dignity in tact.

LORD HAVE MERCY UPON US!

The new month is here. It has given me some time to have new beginnings.
First of all, to my esteemed readers, I have broken up with Doris. That was a painful decision to make but it had to be done anyway. Miriam was against it but it didn't change my mind. Even after some sessions at the guest house where we had some mind boggling sex couldn't change the decision. One thing that these girls don't know is that the great son of Mary doesn't change his mind. Once made it is done.

So this month I am a new man. Though I have to admit that it would be tough trying to get new replacements. Doris was not the cause of the break-up. I had to do that so that she would get enough time to focus on her studies.

No wage increase either

With that off my chest, I have to comment on the current state of affairs that is in the country. The government has recently implemented the 16% VAT increase on petroleum products and the effect has been felt immediately.
For starts, the fares have doubled. The 20 bob that I used to cough up for the trip to town has doubled to 40 bob. That is not even the tip of the iceberg. Jay has not yet increased our wages to reflect the reality on the ground. He is not planning to do so anytime soon.
"Majamaa, I am also feeling the pinch. So hizo story za increase will have to wait mpaka October." He dismissed Felix, who was also feeling the pinch himself. He has been very sober as the monies inside his pocket cannot sustain the booze anymore. Not when the price of sugar is retailing at 150 bob per kilo.

Emma will give birth in November/December

So my breaking up with Doris may be a blessing in disguise.
Tom has also adjusted the prices of his snacks too. There will be no free topping up popularly known as choma. That will have to be paid for as well. His customers, us included, have been used to that. Remember the mercury in sugar scandal? That was the catalyst for the increase.
I haven't heard how it has affected Sam and Emma, whom I heard is almost giving birth in November/December. Sam had informed be just last week when he paid us at the stall a courtesy visit. I cannot talk to Emma since she's a married woman you know.