STATE OF THE MONTH REPORT

Fellow readers,
Since I started here, the journey has been a bittersweet experience for me. A lot of developments have happened and they have been both good and bad. Allow me to explain. The good things to have happened to me this month was I got a new job selling those 50 bob movies to students and avid movie watchers in Kericho. I will have to give it to Jay despite his legendary meanness and fluctuating attitudes.

The Good 

The second thing was the reapproachment with Emma. Before this month, we were in a state of war. No one was talking to each other and on my part, I was trying all my best to ignore her messages during group chats. Thanks to Sam, the thawing point was the meeting at Lenox Hotel which clminated in several run-ins before the unfortunate incident at Litein Hospital. Point is that she made me like her after her straight-forward approach to that burning matter. We are now back to talking terms.
I don't need to state the obvious about Chebet. This month has been bliss for both of us. Once again, happy birthday to you dear. I will miss you when you go back to school on Wednesday.

The Bad

The bad thing is the Sam-Emma rift that has seen both of them leave all our Whatsapp groups. As of now, I have not heard from Sam nor Emma. I just hope for an amicable solution to their problem. Tom has also left Sheila and is still pursuing Sylvia who seems to be playing hard to get with him. Trouble is that Tom never knows when to give up. The whole thing will draw to a stalemate, just watch this space for more details.

Goodbye April

Tomorrow will be labour day. I will be at work as usual. I hope that May will be fun, exciting and without any drama. But all these will depend on God.
Goodbye April.

THE GOODBYE GIFT

48 hours is all that is left before my lovely Chebet leaves for school for yet a long second term. Already I am beginning to miss her even before she has left the village. I am making preparations for the grand finale since I am always free on Sunday. Normally I would take this opportunity to attend mass in town or join my age mates for the customary walk to sample the town centers, but not today. Everything must be ready for her.

"Hun, ntakuja leo mapema. Buda haendi mahali kesho."

"Sawa. Nikulete ya kawaida?"

"Ofcourse hun"

Her Birthday

Today is also her birthday. She turns 18 and this makes me happy since my conscience will no longer bite me to stop the affair. As I said before, she doesn't look a day older than 17(now 18) since her physical look is way too good for a scrawny teenager. Anyone can mistake her for a 23 year old, or even older thanks to her size. 

I will also not spare any expense to make this day memorable. This day will not be like any other day where she comes and just everything happens first before talk. I plan to have some refreshment first before I set up a small birthday cake with a single candle before we see a movie then action.

"Hello, tupatane afternoon."

A sip of whisky to steel myself

I hung up the phone and quickly survey the room for any sign of imperfection. Thanks to my pal Tom, I have the latest pack of protection. I would not like her to get pregnant and then get kicked out of school. It is a common practice in all girl secondary schools to conduct pregnancy tests in the second week of the term after opening.

I am feeling tensed up already. It's like the first time I had sex with my crush back in high school. I don't know what to expect today. Will she pull a no-show or will someone bust us toady? I take a quick sip of last night's whisky to steel myself.

Today I will give her the perfect goodbye gift.

NEED FOR SPEED-KENYAN EDITION

In a matter of a few hours, the son of RMS founder and chairman SK Macharia, John Macharia has passed away in a freak accident along the Southern Bypass. I've just been looking at the details on various news websites as well as twitter and the details are just as shocking. So the late Macharia was cruising at 290 km/hr when he met his untimely end. Pretty cool but deadly at the end.

Audience to Callous people

Life is indeed short. I looked at the posts under the hashtag #RIPmacharia and one caught my interest. A picture of the late Macharia driving his porsche car out of a petrol station on the same day that he met his death. I won't give audience to the group that are always there to preach glee over people's deaths. i find it repulsive and callous to adopt a holier than thou stand over the alleged cause of death(drunk-driving)

Will we break up?

Our dating scene is also notorious for the speed in which people move  from friends to friends with benefits and then back to friends before becoming complete strangers in a matter of weeks. Take Tom for example, he just met Sheila some few weeks ago but now they are now complete strangers to each other. Tom is busy hitting on Sylvia after having his way with Sheila. I won't leave myself out of this situation too.

Chebet and I have only known each other for some months, but we practically 'know' each other's privates like some old time pals. Question is, Will we break up just like Tom and Sheila did?

SKELETONS OF HER PAST

It didn't rain today but it didn't mean that there would be an absence of shockers.

To start with, Bayern lost yesterday and in the process, we all lost our respective bets. Tom would have been 90,000 shillings richer if the Bavarians hadn't lost. This means that I have to wait for a little while longer for my debt to be settled.

The biggest shocker of all was the discovery of Sylvia's dark past. I don't know how Tom did it but the details were not good.

A troublesome student

"Ras, huyo dem is way older than both of us. Imagine she's 27."

"27? How na vile she looks 22."

"Looks can deceive. In fact niliambiwa na madam." 

Tom narrated how his neighbor, a secondary school teacher, had given him the nitty gritty details of the said lady. That she was a troublesome student, how she got suspended for having an affair with a male teacher and the fact that she got expelled from school because of a pregnancy.(Yes, she has a baby). That she is also moonlighting as a hooker(sic) was not left out.

Get over the disappointment

I looked at him when he spewed the bad news. He looked sad about the news. I also didn't know that he and Sheila were going through a rough patch. 

"Sasa tufanye?" I asked him. He took his time before he dropped the bombshell; that he would dig in for the long haul. I was happy for him but I silently dropped the hopes that one day we would hook up together. I won't judge her because of her past skeletons, but can I handle them? No way. 

The feeling was depressing. Luckily, Chebet would be around today to help me get over the disappointment.

FEAR OF THE FEMALE TRAP

Today the nation bade farewell to the Multi-party activist and former presidential candidate Kenneth Matiba. It was an function held at the Holy Family Basillica and covered live by the leading

television stations in the country. But even as the event was unfolding, there was another issue  that was generating a lot of interest in the internet; that incident involving Kirinyaga Deputy Governor.
Sam cannot believe the treachery women are capable of. 

A blackmail scheme.

"Aki Memo akinifanyia hivo! Nitauwa mtu"
"Serious?"
"Kabisa. Siwezi kaa hapo watu wanimulike. Kama mbaya, mbaya!"
He was referring to the helpless state that the distinguished deputy was in as the thugs hounded him over his act of chewing another man's 'wife'. The thing is, she was just as part of that elaborate set up scheme to blackmail the Second-in-Command off some good money. The whole thing was a choreographed scheme as the details now emerge. The detailed planning and execution going into this affair is also astounding!

Avenge her humiliation

"Lakini wanawake ni wabaya. Kama huyo ex wako." He blurts out as he wolfs down the tasty supper that he has just bought in town. Ever since Emma left, he was forced to either cook his meals or buy(Which he does since he is rich). He has shed some weight too. I don't like the reference to my past life but He who has the money runs his mouth.

It is true that women are capable of being the best as well as the worst depending on the severity of the crime. She will be your best if you are good with her. And the worst if you wrong her. That's why the saying goes, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Perhaps Sam is fearing a possibility of Emma avenging her humiliation at his place.

Who knows?

PLAYING THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE

Yesterday I made a wish to fate that I should 'eat ' anything else than bread. But fate is giving me other plans.
Today I was at the hallowed Kingdom of Women; the salon. How women talk in their strange but complicated language. I had to get my dreadlocks done in readiness for my birthday party in just 40 days. Also, the world cup is about to start and I will be broke by then( Less work more football, get it?)
This is where I saw Sylvia, and she's the one whom I spent the whole rainy afternoon with. 

A thing for Sylvia

We spent the whole afternoon talking about anything under the rainy clouds in Kericho. From the current devolution conference to the alleged expose where a Deputy Governor was caught chewing someone's wife. Sylvia even showed me the clip and as they say the rest is history.
"Anto, uko serious na ile story?"
"Dead serious."
Here's the catch. My best friend Tom has a thing for Sylvia. Don't ask me about Sheila because I don't know nothing about their affair. Tom has a big problem when it comes to women; he is a shy guy. There I was playing the advocate for my best friend.

What will happen?

"Si mkuje na yeye tuone hio story."
"Sawa, next month ntakam naye." I bade her goodbye but not after she gave me her number.
Even as I follow the debate on our whatsapp group about whether Liverpool will crush Roma or not, I am cursing why I never declared my interest first before Tom. So according to the bro-code, I am supposed to stand down her and if possible, play the devil's advocate. But if he fails then..
Let's see what will happen.  

TIRED OF EATING 'BREAD'

Business was not good today at the movie shop. It's always like this every Monday, boring and dull without any shred of excitement. It reminds me of those Mondays while I was a student at KIMC. And the worst part of this day while at college was that the lecturers never missed a darn class! 
Luckily there was Tom who decided to hang around today with me. I suspect that those Kanjo guys were looking for him to get their dues that's why he skipped work today.

Getting bored with teens.

The best thing to happen on this dull day was a pretty lady passed by to ask for the latest movie. I think it's black panther. She was 5'2 (Approximately, she had heels on) and was lively throughout the session. I don't know if Sylvia is her name but I hope that she's not a school girl like Chebet. Because I am seriously getting bored with this fad of banging such girls.
"Ras, kama hutaki huyo dem si unamwacha tu.?"
"Si rahisi Tom. Hio ni weakness yangu."
"Naelewa. Na hii njeve iko Kericho, itabidi ucheze chini."

Bullshit vibes and Skinny self

He was right. Dumping Chebet at this moment will be plain stupid. She remains the only girl whom I know fell for my bullshit vibes and my skinny self. As I write this, I can confirm that she has never placed any monetary demands on me or any unreasonable demands like other teen girls do. She has only placed demands on my body (God's gift) which is fine as she would be gone in a matter of 12 days.

But I am getting bored with her. Our encounters are no longer exciting as before. It's always the same style, same talk(Imagine she wants to have babies!) and her movies and series (2 broke girls). I can't even watch my favorite things or even join my friends for a night of fun at town.

I hope with Sylvia, I will be able to taste something better than the bread I am currently having. 

AN ODE TO AGGY

One of my favourite vixens passed away as well as the house music icon Avicii. She was previously making headlines over some drug case. In case you are wondering who, it is the bootylicious Agnes Masogange Gerald. She of the Masogange hit song back then.

The news of her death was shocking since it was the expectation of everyone in Tanzania as well as here in Kericho(Especially me and my friends) that she would explore her talents further by featuring in some big budget Bongo film.

Pneumonia medication

But death had other plans. As of writing this, the cause of her death has been reported to have been as a result of Pneumonia and low blood pressure. Her death has also seen conspiracy theorists come up with ridiculous claims that her death is a result of drug abuse(sic) since she was found guilty three weeks ago of abusing drugs like heroin. All in all, everyone will miss her. And Sam has been concerned over his physical well being since he is currently taking pneumonia medication.
"Rasta, naeza kufa pia mimi?"

Kebabs at Sunshine Hotel

"Hapana. Only if ukikataa dawa ama utei tena." His doctor had warned him over this. Today He went to church to seek divine intervention over his troubles. I couldn't join him as my conscience would not stop biting me. I now know where his run away bride is while he doesn't. Also, I know what is about to hit him.
Arsenal won and he bought me kebabs and tea at the Sunshine Hotel. Emma hasn't texted me since yesterday and I am glad she didn't while I was with Sam while Tom is away on his duties.

I will miss Aggy. So long, Farewell Agnes Gerald Masogange.

END OF AN ERROR?

Feels good to be at home after a brief sojourn to Kipkelion. And much has happened.
By now most Arsenal fans are happy that the man who has gone from a revolutionary coach to a polarizing figure at the club is set to hang his boots and leave. Arsene Wenger is going. Bye bye to Mr Bean.

Death has also been rearing its ugly hand in the past 48 hours since I logged in here. Grace Kipchoim the MP for Baringo passed on and so is comrade Yussuf Kiprono KR, the Multimedia University Secretary General. Sad and tragic too. May their souls rest in peace.

Decisions when angry

Emma too has vowed to 'correct' her mistake of getting engaged to my friend Sam by breaking it. She told me so when I visited her at her friend's place at Kipkelion where she took refuge away from Sam. I didn't forsee this drama coming to this point here but then, women get emotional whenever they make such decisions. Mugabe once said(sic) that you should never make promises when happy and decisions when angry.

She was clearly making this one at her angriest self.
"Tony, huyu Sam nitamwacha. Hata akuje kwetu mara kumi. sirudi kwake !" Susan was the cheerleader giving her friend the mojo to carry on.
"Kwani maisha haitaendelea? boyfriend ya nini?"

I never knew her well

 My heart skipped a beat when Emma endorsed her feminist stand. When she agreed with such sentiments, then there was a big problem. I have never known her to be such a person before but It seems I never knew her well.

"All men are dogs." Came Emma's shocker. If we are dogs then women are bitches. But in that state, surrounded by a hardcore feminist and a new convert, I never dared to say it.
Clearly it was the end of one error and the beginning of another.

THE EDUCATED FOOL

I am upset today. I've been this way since yesterday when Sam crashed in my Keja and sat me up the whole night talking nonsense since he was drunk.
Make no mistake here, I have deep admiration for this man whose record has never been broken ever since he scored an A of 82 points at some nondescript school. (Arokyet). He has also previously taught me during the holiday tuition and also bailed me out several times when I was broke, both in high school and college.

Slapping incident at Ruguru

But what he did yesterday nearly spoilt everything that I have for him. He was all over me bragging how she (Emma) is nothing but a cheap slut after his wealth. He even had the nerve to tell me that I was dumped because I was not as rich as he was( Which is true). He also revealed his true thoughts to me. That he has always suspected that Emma still has the hots for me.(Super!)
The whole drama would have been funny had he not bragged about how hard he slapped her that fateful Sunday Night. This comes hours after some bodyguard slapped a woman in broad light in front of the police during the Ruguru Ward By-election.

Cavalier manner

"Walahi nigetwanga yeye kabisa. Wacha huyo jamaa wa Nyeri."

"Sammy-" then he messed up the whole room by vomiting on the floor. I couldn't sleep since the whole room stank despite my clean up efforts. Wait, I thought patients on Pneumonia drugs aren't supposed to be taking alcohol. Or have the pharmaceutical firms devised new alcohol tolerant drugs?
Sam left later that night. I spent the better part of the night and my working hours today wondering how such a brilliant fellow could still be this foolish. What could possess such a man to act in such a cavalier manner? I couldn't answer that question.

So tonight nobody will disrupt my sleep time!

FAULT LINES, FLOODS STOP EMMA'S ESCAPE

Hooray! Today it didn't rain!

And business was normal just like those Wednesdays at the movie store where we sell those 50 bob movies and series. Today Jay wasn't in so I had all the time with the super bass music system playing Dj Kalonje mixxtapes. As usual, Tom came by and delivered the lunch.

Where was I about the Sam-Emma drama? Oh Yes, Emma had vanished into thin air and Sam had launched a manhunt for her. Everyone was involved except me. And my attempts to get Sam give me his side of the story failed as he didn't return my calls or messages. Safe to say I believe Emma's side of the story.

Distractions of having sex

I have finished watching my series and I'm wondering if I should stream the translated version of Waking Up with You. Thanks to Faiba, it is possible. But that is besides the point. Today I am alone (Hopefully). I suppose Chebet couldn't outfox the strict parental controls at their home to come to my keja today.

 Unless otherwise but  as a man You need to enjoy  uninterrupted sleep without the distraction of having sex.
Just as I am opening up the tab, a call lights up my phone. It is a mysterious number and I am hesitant to answer it. Twice I have ignored it but a message relieves me of the tensions.

Camping at her home

"Ni mimi Ema, pliz pick the call.."So I learn through the call that it was the floods and the cracks in Suswa that prevented her from reaching Nairobi via the Narok route. I also learn of how she had to leave unexpectedly since Sam had been camping at her parent's home. However she doesn't reveal her location.

Then somebody knocks on my door....

ALL ABOUT THE 'SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE'

During this rainy season, a nice warm bed is important as having a hot cup of tea and wearing warm clothing. All these I have fulfilled without fail. I have Chebet who as long as the schools are closed will always be there for us to share my tiny bed. For tea, I always have Tom who delivers the precious liquid that defines the Kericho landscape. As for clothing it is common sense not to expose yourself to cold.

Today I will take a break from the drama that is affecting the lives of my pal Sam and Emma. I will focus on my partner-in-crime Chebet and why I have found it necessary to let the sleeping dogs lie. It is more like the sausage principle where if you like something, don't bother how it is made.

I misjudged her

The words of my boss Jay comes to mind regarding the alleged raunchiness of my lovely Chebet. At first I could not believe that she was capable of doing such things but my anger led me to judge her all the same. She spent the night here and left before morning( She took a french leave from their place)

I also didn't have to bother with the cooking as she was content with my take away.

Guest of the State

My point is that everyone has their own skeletons Chebet being no exception. As long as I turn a blind eye to her indiscretions and I take care of myself, everything is going to be all right. I must also be open to the fact that she has the potential to attract new boyfriends. Anything could happen and I must not be caught flat footed like in the past. 


Morally it is wrong. It is also an offence that will qualify me to be a guest of the state for some time. I will be criticized and condemned. But in my shoes, many people will have done the same.

A MANHUNT..AND A LOVER

I am getting frightened by the minute as I read the whatsapp messages in our group. The drama between Emma and Sam is getting nastier as the day goes by. Since no one knows the whereabouts of Emma, including her own parents, Sam has launched a manhunt for her.
This is the first sign of an escalation in hostilities between the two lovebirds. My first instinct is to cover my tracks. 

My alibi for yesterday night

Immediately after I closed the movie shop, I headed straight to my Keja and began the tedious cleaning up. Any trace of Emma including her ear rings and her black bra are tucked away at a place no one can see. I also spray the room with an air freshener to remove the smell of her perfume and also change the sheets. 

Anything that I suspect will give away my alibi for yesterday night are removed from the room. Sam was and still is, a keen fellow who would've made a superb detective if not the brilliant engineer he is currently. Fools do not get A plain in KCSE and then get a First Class Honors five years later in Civil Engineering. I have to be careful.

Desperate times

The other reason why I have done such a drastic clean up is because I will play host once again to Chebet tonight. Primarily, she will help deter Sam from suspecting any foul play and also help keep Sam and his search party from my Keja.

I know I announced that I am through with her. But desperate times calls for desperate measures. I need her now more than any other time. I spent the whole day answering her previous ignored texts and even inviting her to my Keja, unlike before when she would pop in unannounced.

Now everything is set. A knock on the door heightens my excitement. I hope for the best.

FROM HER APOCA-LIPS

One of the cardinal rules that men follow(or not) is that they should not gossip like women. At least that is what we were taught by our elders during the rites ceremony.

But today I will break them by giving tit bits of what Emma told me. Since yesterday, she has been sleeping in my bed and never wanted to come out. The only time she did was when she was using the bathroom.

As of nine pm today, she has left. Destination unknown.

Sam spies on her

The genesis of their fight was indeed her visit to our place in the village last week. Sam was paranoid after she did not arrive back at their place that day. She had gone to visit her mother, as she told me, without informing him.

Turns out that Sam was thinking the worst. Some spy had informed him(He has spies!) about her brief detour to Maxwell's Computer shop in Kericho when she left our place. Sam was adamant that she tells him nothing but the truth. Literally.

"Hapo tukabishana alafu akanichapa.." Her sobs disrupted the flow of the story.  When she finished and in the process nearly finishing my only tissue, the story continued.

Sam in his righteous anger revealed his main source of information that hurt Emma deeply. That he has never trusted her motives all along.

The anti-climax

"Imagine, anataka nipate ball yake ndio anitrust. that's his condition before we get married."

I was too stunned by the revelation. Sam's advice for me to trap a girl with pregnancy came to my mind once more. What followed didn't give me the time to prepare for the bombshell.

"Naona nikiacha hii marriage thing. Kama ameanza kunifanyia hivi sahizi na akinioa itakuwa aje?"
I couldn't answer her then as I was busy worrying that someone might get us in that state, nude and in bed. It could be anyone. From Chebet to Sam.

Luckily, no one came by. And yes, Manchester United have lost to West Brom and Kenneth Matiba has died. This is the anti-climax to a dramatic weekend.

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

This Saturday I have both good and bad news to share.

The good news is my good friend and age mate Theophilus Rono has been elected as Finance Secretary main campus UoN. This is the news that I received via our Whatsapp group and shared it with my friends here at the movie store. Glory be to God.

The bad news is that my good friend is going through bad times. I am talking about my engineer friend Sam and his fiancée Emma. Right now I am still digesting the news about what that transpired between the two, but I suspect that it has to do with her visit alone earlier this week.

I never revealed anything

Remember the visit by Emma that made me forgive her for dumping me four years ago? Well Sam had popped in and acted insecure by asking me what we talked about. But being the smart cookie I am, I never gave him the real thing.

My phone rings and a quick look at the caller ID, it gives me dread and excitement at the same time.

It is Emma!

Currently I am holed up at my keja watching the big bang theory series since I cannot join my friends for a jig at the club. I cannot take any alcohol till I complete my medication. Since I have ended my affair with Chebet yesterday (though I haven’t communicated it to her) this is my form for the night.

Faint bruises on her cheek

Should I answer or not? Why on earth would she call me at this hour when it is still raining outside. I also don’t want to act the gentleman and listen to her cries while at the same time trying to comfort her.

Just when I am still weighing the pros and cons of this matter, someone knocks on the door. Damn! Not her again! I hope that it isn’t Chebet as I am still mad at her blatant betrayal. The knocking persists and I step onto the cold floor to answer it.

“Emma!” She looks sad and thoroughly drenched. I can also see faint bruises on her left cheek. This must be serious.

She enters in and I close the door. Immediately, she falls into my arms and cries her heart out.

A MEDAL FOR RATCHET BEHAVIOR

Humans like good times. That’s a fact.

Today I was at the movie store trying to catch up with events that happened while I was away with injury.
 The people are happy to see me and they all show genuine happiness to see me back at work. Business has never been great as people flock our shop just to see me.
 But I feel that they are not sincere. When I had bad times, no one visited except for my faithful three, Sam, Tom and Emma. As of now, I am nursing plans to jettison the fake friends in my life. But it is a tale for another day.

I don't want him to know

“Unakumbuka Gladys? Ule wa Simo?”

“Simo?”

“Simo wa Obi (Kabianga)” Gladys is the lady I often write about here. She is the (In)famous Chebet. I don’t want him to know about our affair. It’s safe to let the matter lay low like an envelope.

Jay, the store owner went on to describe the ratchet behavior of my sweet Chebet to the shock of my ears. I felt like punching the daylight out of him but if I did that I would be jobless. Also I am not in a position to pick fights now.

In his juvenile excitement

“Simo alimdump huyo dem tu jana. Kumbe anamplay na maboy wa mtaa.” That was definitely me.

Jay also describes the days he found her twerking in Taidy’s and grinding to strangers’ too. In his juvenile excitement, he does not leave out the part where she allegedly passed out and had to be carried away.

I was hurt but I didn’t want to show it. So that was why she never visited me while I was sick. Also she wanted us to have sex yesterday despite my condition. Chebet has been busy with 'Simo' who happens to be one of her other boyfriends.

Its over

While Kenya won gold, silver and bronze at the Commonwealth Games at Gold Coast, Australia, Chebet was being awarded a gold medal for her apparent ratchet behavior.

Thank God I never slept with her. It’s over between me and Chebet.

NOT IN THE MOOD.

It’s been a week since that incident back at Litein Mission Hospital. My back is now in good condition save for the slight pain on my left butt, I can walk and even jog. Hallelujah! And today I am spending the night in my small keja away from the village.

This means that I will miss mum’s sumptuous ugali and milk plus the military like precision that mum uses to serve meals. The room is dirty but I don’t care at all. I flip on my laptop and switch on the Mi-Fi and browse the internet. 

The guts these kids have

Twitter is first on the list and the trending topic isn’t the visit by Odinga to Kabarak to see Moi, but the issue of teenagers behaving badly in front of the camera.

The hashtag is #ifikiemzazi. There are screenshots of teenagers in compromising positions in the name of modelling. The tweets condemning this come in fast and furious. The affected teenagers too come out guns blazing with short videos telling haters to go hang. The guts that these kids have.

Her characteristic hug

Before I click on the tab to tweet my contribution to the matter, my conscience bites me. I am also guilty of such a crime when I took photos of Chebet as she posed in risqué clothing. Luckily, she did not post any of those photos. I also deleted them from my gallery.

Suddenly, someone knocks on the door. Opening it, Chebet comes in with her arms wide open and she covers me in her characteristic hug.

“Ouch..”

“Oh, Pole sweetie. Bado haujapona?” Her genuine concern sets in and she gently rubs my waist.

She won't leave

We take a seat on the unmade bed, the scene of our action last week, and talk. The time is hitting ten and she doesn’t show any urgency to leave. Then her hands begin to move slowly to my crotch and her lips quiver.

Trouble is, I am not in the mood for this. This one must  #ifikiemzazi.  

INSECURE SAM

It seems that everybody here at the village has known of the visit by the light skinned lady to our home yesterday. 

Just today, three women have visited my mother to offer her their congratulations on having being blessed by a beautiful daughter-in-law. 

I also suspect that my father and uncles have been getting free booze just to have them to reveal the identity of Emma and when they would be receiving her officially to our home.

He never does that

Trouble is, she’s not mine. I won’t be marrying her because she is betrothed to my best friend Sam, the engineer who lives just across the river. And Sam had popped in for supper with me. He never does that. Not when his fiancée has cooked for him a sumptuous meal as always.

“Naskia Emma alikuja jana.” I confirm the details. I also add that she was here to check on me and left as soon as the rains stopped.

“Hamkubonga about anything else?”

“Hakuna. Waliongea na mathe throughout.” He believes the lie and the topic shifts to the shocking exit of Barcelona from the Champions League yesterday night. 

So insecure over a woman

Sam and I spent the remainder of the time debating whether Bayern Munich and Real Madrid will hold on to their respective leads to reach the semi-finals of the competition.

While Sam left before The Real Househelps of Kawangware started, I spent the evening wondering how a 28 year old man can still be so insecure over a woman.

This is a man who commands an army of construction workers in Kericho. If he wanted, he could have any woman at just the snap of his rough fingers.

After all, he had managed to convince her to marry him. What remained is the grand wedding in July where I am invited. I had also assured him long before he began courting her that I am cool with it.

Why on earth would he feel so insecure over Emma?

WHY SHE CHOSE MATURITY OVER ME

I have just finished my supper and I'm preparing for bed. Why you ask. Am I not going to watch that big game tonight between Liverpool and Manchester City in the Champions League? I wish I could but I can’t. Reason is because I have so many things to think about since Emma visited me. We had our talk despite my attempts to stall the topic for another day.

You see, it is hard to put down a determined woman. Any woman for this matter not just my ex-girlfriend Emma. If you are reading this and you have plans in mind to derail a woman you know, please stop. You will fail. I repeat, you will fail. I tried to do that by showing Emma around the farm so that she can see the good work that my mother has been doing around the farm. She was patient as I fumbled through the explanations.

We ate in silence

When we returned, mother had prepared early lunch and we sat alone in the main house. She had defied all my expectations that she would refuse our humble meal of rice and beans and leave before the rains started. But it seems that fate had other plans. Outside the rains were furiously pounding the earth. We ate in silence and when we were through, she got up and plugged her phone to charge and sat next to me.

The moment I had been dreading and waiting for had come.

“About Maxwell.”  She opened the Pandora’s Box. She explained herself in her now eloquent prose and even saw it fit to touch my arm just to make sure I was paying attention all along.

I had no chance at all

In summary, she likes older men who are established and are focused in meeting their goals. Maxwell was the guy she fancied since he was then a fourth year Maseno University IT student and owned a repair shop in Kericho town next to Naivas Mall. Then came Sam, my engineer friend.

I saw I had no chance at all. There was no way that she could stick with me yet I had nothing to offer her. Back then I was still green in matters concerning love and my dear Emma was maturing faster. All the bitterness I had disappeared. I forgave her.

Meanwhile I get a livescore update on the game and Man City have just scored. Could they turn this thing around?

OF CRAZY IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS.

I spent the day touring the village alone since my injury is healing well. Once again thanks to the care that my mother is giving me, I can walk faster and my back is not that sore. The rains have yet to start and this is a good sign that the day will be okay.

Yesterday I made a plea to God to give me someone to love and to share my world with. 

Nothing for free

Trouble is nothing comes easy. You can recall that in the Bible, God provided for his people but they had to work hard for it. Remember the Promised Land? They had to literally fight tooth and nail for it (which they finally won).

That’s why expecting a drop dead beautiful bride to fall from heaven onto my doorstep is expecting too much from God. There is nothing that He gives for free. If I expected to end up with a bride, I had to go out there and slug it out just to land the prize.

Sam had given me a beautiful proposition during our chats. If I was to end up with a beautiful lady for a wife, I need to ‘trap’ her by making her pregnant. That way she won’t forget you or leave you. Trouble is, he has not yet done it with Emma.

Reconsider this position

Was he planning to do that on her? I wonder. Perhaps this was why she wanted to have a talk with me. She was also acting weird whenever I mentioned his name. Our encounters last week come flooding back to my mind. Though I made a vow not to see her again yesterday, the advice from Sam makes me want to reconsider this position.

Before I sleep, a text pops in my inbox. A quick glance and it is the confirmation that she would be here tomorrow.

THIRSTING FOR LOVE

It is raining as usual and the cold is biting hard. Despite this, I managed to attend the local Kenyan Premier League game between our local boys Zoo Kericho and Posta Rangers at the Green Stadium. It is a match that we won 1-0 courtesy of a first half goal and some good old fashioned defending.
I was in the company of Tom once again and his new catch. They look happy and contented with each other. Sheila, as Tom told me, is from Litein and just out of college (RVIST) where she had trained as a tailor. She was currently working at a local shop where she made new dresses and repaired torn uniforms.How they met is a mystery I have yet to resolve. It is similar to the unsolved mystery of the disappearance of the Malaysian plane.

Share a mutual feeling

I can see the chemistry that they have. It is like a match made in heaven. Though they do not call each other pet names as common as lovers do these days, I can see their body language that they share a mutual feeling. I felt despondent and nostalgic.

I began to see the futility of my no-strings attached affair with Chebet. It is no use risking getting caught for a person who has yet to visit me since I got injured last week. I suspect that she has other boys on the side whom she has similar arrangements too. She is also a form four student and I hate to get blamed If she fails this year's exam (Because of this affair). The sex is good but what's the point if after the action you have no one to cuddle with and share those intimate pillow talk moments?

Our struggles together

What about Emma and her let's talk proposal?
I decide to trash that thing. What we had was long gone. Reviving it is just an exercise in futility. You cannot flog a dead horse,right? What I need is a girl to love and share my life with. It sounds crazy since I don't have a stable job or a permanent home for our children to live in. But once I get better I will work hard to make it a reality. And I won't forget our struggles together just as Nyashinski sang in bebi bebi, Na nikifanikiwa, ahadi yangu mi sitasahau mahali nimetoka na wewe..
This is my prayer this Sunday.

MOURINHO SPOILS CITY'S CORONATION

Despite my injury, I made it to the local video center thanks to Tom who kept his word and took me to witness history in the making. We are both die hard Manchester United fans and we are in a happy mood.

We just beat the best team in England who are still in contention for the coveted trophy (Clear favourites)

Awful first half performance

The first half of this game was quite awful to watch. Kompany and Gundogan had scored for a rampant City as they threatened to run riot once again at the Etihad. The defeat at Old Trafford came back to my mind. Were we going to go down like this considering this was the same team that Liverpool thrashed 3-0 during the week?
The cheers and the jibes thrown at us were loud and painful. Tom nearly lost his cool when a clueless City fan pointed similarities between Pogba's gait and Tom's walking style. Were it not for the other reasonable fans around, Tom would have clobbered the kid silly.
Come the second half, gone was the timid performance and the boys were attacking with renewed strength and verve. A succession of chances later, Pogba found the net. The minority present (us) however celebrated cautiously. The score was 2-1.

Relief at the final whistle

There was hope that we could snatch a point. 97 seconds later, a cross from Alexis Sanchez found Pogba once again who headed the ball out of the reach of Ederson. This time there was no holding back. we celebrated wildly. 2-2!
The third goal, courtesy of another foul, was scored by Smalling who tapped the ball at close range to silence not only the Etihad, but the local City fans here at the village.2-3 to the Red Devils! I have never seen Tom this happy. Not since he won 20,000 last month courtesy of  a Sportpesa bet he had placed with half of his wage. The final whistle confirmed that the spoils were going back to Old Trafford.

Can't wait to see Liverpool complete a double over City next week!

WHEN ITS ALL ABOUT SEX

Why all this buzz over Wazir Chacha?

Sam is surprised that a man younger than him can sleep with 13 female legislators! (Alleged) 13 is not just an ordinary number. It is the number of women alleged to have been seduced by this guy, who are some of the most popular parliamentarians. This is why it has received this attention rather than the fraud he is being accused of.

What caught my attention was the memes flying around over the internet. Despite my awful state, I can’t help but laugh at the creativity that netizens have over such matters. With my little knowledge at hand, I try to demystify the mystery behind this Chacha guy.

National prominence

“He’s just an ordinary guy. Hii story will be over na life will continue.”

“But how could he have done it?” He is still stumped as well. Not amazed but surprised that the young man’s exploits made it to national prominence, prime time television in this case.

Wazir Chacha Masubo

This is the talk we have had since he popped in to say hello this morning. He does not look an inch of a man suffering from pneumonia. He is dressed in warm clothing with regards to the cold blitz currently in Kericho after the rains began late last month

“So habari ya Emma?”

“She’s fine. Ako kazi.” He says matter-of-fact. The topic shifts quickly to the matter of DP Ruto’s chances at 2022 polls.

The big Manchester derby

I hate politics but there is nothing else that two sick people can talk about while taking tea. We cannot talk about girls because it would be odd for a 28 year old engaged man to do so with a 23 year old bachelor with little experience. I also want to focus on my recovery and get back to work as soon as possible. It’s been three days since I last met Chebet and I miss her a lot.

Today is also the big derby in Manchester. I have to watch this game at all costs. Mourinho must not allow this City team to roll over us again!

P.S- A close friend of mine lost her dear mother. My sincere condolences to her and her family at this time of difficulty. May her soul rest in peace.